Hi- I’m Laura.
I LOVE cheese and wine and being outdoors- but I'll tell you what I didn't love.....
I spent over four years experiencing a rather, lets say, intermittent sex drive. In all honestly- my desire to have sex went from being zippy to completely falling off a cliff.
I felt broken, abnormal, flat, ASHAMED, and my relationship suffered as a result.
I was confused WHY my sex drive had faded, and what on earth I could do to get it back…
So I set about getting to the bottom of my wayward desire.
And I have a LOT to say about what I discovered along the way- and how YOU can use this information to cultivate a healthy, deeply fulfilling sex life.
Read on for all the juicy details, or check out the site- I can't wait to get acquainted.
So you wanna know about me, huh?
I don’t often spill the deets of my sex life. Mainly cos what if my Mum finds out I’m writing about my fanny online- she’ll kill me. That’s only half a joke.
But seeing as you’re here and listening, and I’m sure you’re just a teeny bit nosy about what was up with my muff and why on earth I’d start a whole website about it, here’s the low down…
Settle down, put your feet up with a cuppa- it’s story time.
I experienced a low point during my late 20s where my sex drive just completely gave out on me.
When I say low point, I’m talking bad times.
There was sex, people, but during that time I had very little desire to bother doing it.
My sex drive came back periodically (enough for me to vaguely remember a time when I was into it) but more often than not it sat gathering dust while I waited for desire to drop from the sky- wishing it was some tangible thing I could find like my keys down the back of the sofa.
I felt grey, stagnant, numb, confused, alone. Where the f*ck had my sex drive gone?
One minute it’s there and I’m not even thinking about it, and the next it’s up and left and I’ve got not the faintest about how to go about getting it back.
My sex life was so routine, so lacking, so just…. dead.
Now, don’t get me wrong- EVERYONE experiences sex drive highs and lows. Whether you’ve got a temporary case of cystitis or a stressful time at work, recovering from an operation, or simply pissed at your partner, we all sometimes just don’t fancy bonking.
But trust me guys, this was different.
This was hard core, literal winter is coming style, self-imposed but non-consensual celibacy. And it was shit.
I felt like this:
And I told a few mates who were basically like this:
And my boyfriend was like this waiting for me to feel better and stop making excuses whenever he shuffled over with a glint in his eye:
And I floundered about what to do, where to go, or who to talk to.
It was embarrassing, right? It felt like everyone was having sex, and not wanting it made me feel like an alien.
Was it me? Was it him? How long would this last? And most importantly, what could I possibly do to kick start my fanny back into action?
How to sort out a sad vagina...
Obviously, as any self-respecting millennial would do, I checked out Dr Google for help, and the information I found online was super unhelpful. Much of it was either:
medicalised (dysfunction disorders anyone?)
simplistic (“because of stress”)
odd (you’re not eating enough brocolli)
or felt kind of scary (see a sex therapist! Take a pink pill!).
It was a horrific mess of “quick fix” articles that in 5 steps promised to cure all of my problems, or advised drinking turmeric milkshakes or “sex coffee” (yup, that’s a real thing) to ramp up my desire for sex.
I knew it ran much deeper than that and wouldn’t be an overnight cure.
And equally, I just sensed that there was something more to this... but was therapy really the answer?
I felt annoyed at the lack of accurate resources out there for women considering some stats put this issue at nearly 50% of us having experienced it.
And I also began hating myself because I knew something was missing in my life, and it left me feeling empty, lacking, beige, and with less than any joir-de-vive.
Whatever was causing my low sex drive, I knew in finding it, I’d find my vulva-voom again.
So, what did I do?
First I stumbled across some resources that explained sex drives to me in a way I understood, and others that talked about the way that as a society we give women the wrong messages about their bodies, pleasure and desire.
Then, I read more and more and more.
I joined forums, spoke to friends and strangers, found a community of bloggers, and did some more shit on the internet.
I had some MAJOR break through’s along the way. Like these:
I realised I literally had no clue about sexuality! Like, I had never learned or been taught about my body, my sexuality, pleasure or how to express what I wanted. I was literally a sexual blank canvas!
We medicalise, prescribe pills and pathologise women for their lack of desire to have sex, when infact our ideas about sexual response have always been defined in terms of a model made for men. So it’s no wonder the female sex drive is such a mythological creature.
There ARE amazing resources out there giving the truth on sexual desire, but noone has ever really collated all of these into one place or made a hub for people to come to which focuses solely on sexual desire rather than sexual wellness as a whole.
In order to change the conversation about desire and stop so many women worrying whether they have a low sex drive, experiencing pressure to have sex or feeling broken if their desire has faded, we need a feminist framework to understand it.
Along the way, I found myself a new sexual education.
One less this:
And more like this...
Which I called “the art of sexual sexual empowerment”. I compiled all of this and turned it into a course if you're interested!
This journey to find my sex drive has taken me to some interesting places.
I’ve gone from sex education to science to tantra and taoism.
I’ve learned about sex magik, sensuality, the power of somatic movement, celtic sex practises and kundalini yoga.
I’ve belly danced, drank sex coffee (yep, really) and scoured Youtube, libraries and the blogosphere to find my way back to desire.
And along the way, I not only found my own “vulva-voom” again, but I realised that what I discovered about desire isn’t common knowledge… and it ABSOLUTELY should be.
Mainly because it’s pretty lifechanging!
So– I want to shout from the rooftops about what I learned, where the BEST resources are on sexual desire, and how YOU can use this information to revolutionise your sex life.
If your sex drive isn’t where you’d like it to be and you’re wondering what on earth to do about it- or you’re curious to discover what you want in bed- then this site is a rather good place to begin.
Because TBH… what I found was pretty amazing.
And I’m SO excited to share it with you.
Let’s do this!
P.S. I'd recommend starting by downloading my FREE guide to understanding what you want in bed, or take a look at some of our paid courses (that I hope you'll find both completely affordable and absolutely unmissable!).