Who we are
The personal is political.
Highlighting the BEST work that exists on sexual desire.
We don't shy away from what needs to be said
For womxn, accessible to all.
We have four simple truths that we hold dear at Desired State.
Desire fluctuating is normal... and to be expected.
There is a HUGE assumption in our society that everyone has a sex drive, desires sex, or would be distressed if they didn't. However for many people this just isn't the case. Some people identify as A-Sexual, and may have little to no sexual attraction to others. Some have sex, some don’t- it’s a personal choice. Others just aren't that interested in sex- and that's OK.
For the rest of us, our desire to have sex rises and falls in response to what's going on in our lives. It's known as a "biopsychosocial" process, which means it is affected by biological, psychological and social factors.
If you're not in the mood for sex, there is a valid reason why
Women's desire doesn't just dip for no reason.
Instead, it's often a very natural and normal response to what's going on in their lives. It makes SENSE that you might not fancy sex if you've just had a baby, or you're under lots of work pressure, or your relationship doesn't feel quite right.
So you’re not broken, dysfunctional or unusual if you're disinterested in sex (even if you feel like it sometimes!)– whether that’s temporary, or on a longer term basis.
But if you’re dissatisfied with your current sex drive and you want to know why your desire is low (and what to do about it) that, dear friends, is where our courses come in...
Understanding HOW desire works= more self-compassion, less pressure and happier relationships
Interestingly none of us have a set or innate amount of desire that we were born with, but rather there are five factors that influence the level of desire you experience. And the great news is- you have the power to understand what these are (and how skyrocket your desire if you choose to) through our Five Elements of Desire framework.
This powerful blueprint for sexual desire teaches you what fuels desire- and what extinguishes it.
And by understanding this framework around desire, you'll not only have more self-compassion if you're not up for sex- and be able to navigate that with a partner in a healthy and fulfilling way.
You'll also develop a strong awareness of the factors that open you up and close you down to sex, and importantly- have the knowledge to spark desire (if you so choose).
If we change the narrative about desire, we change the world.
"Half of women have a low sex drive. So maybe the problem isn't women- it's our view of sexuality"- Sarah Barmak
The figures suggest that nearly HALF of all women have experienced low sexual desire in their lifetimes, and that it’s the most common sexual ‘problem’ women report that they face.
However. A lack of desire is often medicalised and individualised so that many women feel there's something wrong with them if their libido vanishes.
Most science around the libido is based on an understanding of male bodies so female desire doesn't fit the usual templates we know and understand about getting turned on.
And many women don't feel able to express their sexual wants (or know what they are) because of rubbish sex education or negative messaging around female sexuality.
We'd go as far to say that we believe that it makes TOTAL sense that *so* many women experience fading desire (especially in a Long Term Relationship) because of the way society has set women up for sex.
We aim to change the narrative about desire- teaching people the truth about how it works, helping women discover what they want in bed, and couples about how they can navigate a dry spell in their own relationships.
We KNOW this will change the world.
A more fulfilling, nourishing, empowered sex life is possible!
What are you waiting for?